Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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