This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
