I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
