I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
