I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Alive.
So much puke
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
