i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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