My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
