Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
