what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
