In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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