I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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