life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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