The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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