you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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