even my farts smell like vagina
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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