I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
