put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
