ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
