we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
