I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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