i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
