Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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