I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it hurts more in the daytime
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
