I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
