Say something about gay babies.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm having to shit out rocks
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