I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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