a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
