i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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