Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish I only lived at night.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
