Buhtt sex?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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