He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
