so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
