So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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