Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
