Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
