The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think a kid would responsible me up
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
