There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
