I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
