i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
