god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
