I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
