So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
