Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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