Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
