Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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