The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
