We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
even my farts smell like vagina
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
