i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
