what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
