i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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