If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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