My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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