I am spending my child support on dildos
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
